The Wounds of a Friend

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend; But the kisses of an enemy are profuse" Proverbs 27:6 .

There is an erroneous notion afoot, that friendship precludes inflicting of pain. Where such a notion is held, the relationship under consideration must be affected. A parent may say, "I love my child too much to ever punish him/her for disobedience". The child thus unrestrained may be seen by other children to be extremely fortunate: "look at the liberty he has: nobody tells him what to do, nobody warms his backside for disobedience, etc." Such observations reflect the immature mind of children - Tom Sawyer's envious evaluation of Huck Finn's circumstance inevitably comes to mind - but, the mind matured by the leading of the Holy Spirit understands that such an absence of restraint and correction indicates not love, but supreme indifference.. The Hebrews writer asked, " ... what son is there whom his father chasteneth not? But if ye are without chastening, whereof all have been made partakers, then are ye s and not sons" (Hebrews 12:7b, 8). The point is: that parent who refuses to restrain his child, claiming to be motivated by love, actually exhibits the rejection of indifference. The only love shown in such is the parent's self-love, that does not wish to be bothered by such unpleasantness as occurs in chastening.

Parallel to this is our behavior with a friend who is going astray, morally or doctrinally. Words that will bring conviction of sin are the only words that can cause repentance. Such words should be chosen with utmost care, with the motive continually being the salvation of that friend. Truth so spoken is "truth in love"; but such truth is oftimes unappreciated because it is unpleasant. The only words that can bring repentance, words of "truth in love", may well be painful words: painful to utter, painful to hear.

The painfulness of these words is the excuse advanced by some for not speaking these words - and also their excuse for verbally excoriating the one who does speak them. Hebrews 12:7-f indicates that the prospect of pain that really motivates such hateful silence, is not the pain felt by the child or the erring brother, but such pain as the chastener might feel. There is no love, concern, affection or regard in that behavior which encourages sinful conduct and digression from the truth, by refusing to rebuke and by condemning those who do rebuke. Silence may be golden in many instances, but sometimes it is just yellow.

If I sin, my friend will seek to restore me. His God-pleasing efforts to restore me, though he be as gentle as possible, will likely wound me, given the nature of sin and of proud man. Even so the wounds he inflicts on me will be "faithful" wounds, consistent with his declaration of friendship: he cares enough about me to brave my wrath/indignation/sneers/tears and do what must be done to have any prospect of saving me! Faithful, are the wounds of a friend.

If, though, when I sin my "friend" chooses to protect me from wounds: not wounding me with the sword of the Spirit himself, and directing his only stern words at any who might truly love me enough to try to save me: I may be temporarily unscathed, but I am left in danger of eternal torment. As Judas betrayed the Lord with a kiss, so my friend's "devotion:" to me is placarded for all the world to see, for "the kisses of an enemy are profuse".

"So then, am I become your enemy, by telling you the truth? ( Galatians 4:16). When the truth is told in love, the only enemies created are those who do not love the truth, and do not understand true friendship.