When the Prodigal Won’t Come Home
Allen Dvorak
We love happy endings! Perhaps that is why the
parable of the prodigal son is so appealing to us. The
younger son followed a destructive road, but he “came
to himself” (Luke 15:7). His repentance and his humble
confession to his father are intensely moving. What if,
however, the prodigal son (family member) doesn’t
come home? What if he stubbornly persists in his
wayward course, refusing to repent? Experience reveals
that often the story of unfaithfulness takes this
path and, unfortunately, Christians sometimes commit
two grave mistakes in their response to sin in the life of
a family member.
Two Common Mistakes
The first mistake is to fail to properly value the soul
of the sinner. It is all too common for Christians to
refuse to follow the instructions of the Scriptures for
fear of damaging the intimacy of the physical family
relationship. Such failure is tantamount to the admission
that maintaining pleasant social relations is more
important to us than obeying the divine prescription for
discipline. Jesus said that those who act in this fashion
are not worthy of Him because they fail to elevate God
over everyone else (Matthew 10:34-37). Such behavior
also fails to demonstrate “neighbor-love,” choosing
the cultivation/preservation of temporary social relationships
over the eternal salvation of the erring family
member.
The second mistake is to conclude that the Lord’s
plan for restoration will not work and so it is abandoned
before it is even tried. It is reasoned that attempts at
restoration will only drive the sinner away and thus we
should take no “negative” actions, merely hoping that
the sinner will come to his senses sometime in the
future. It is certainly true that repentance can only be
encouraged, not coerced, but it is an evil heart of
unbelief that refuses to follow the Lord’s clear instructions.
What Should We Do?
God’s word must be followed. Using scripture, we
should identify sinful behavior and patiently encourage
repentance (2 Timothy 4:2; 1 Thessalonians 5:14;
Luke 17:3-4). The erring family member must be
rebuked with gentleness and humility and with the
intention of restoration (Galatians 6:1). The Pharisees
and scribes were adept at identifying sinners, but they
viewed themselves as superior and lacked the compassion
and concern exhibited by the father of the
prodigal son.
Jesus indicated that it might be necessary to involve
other Christians. “Moreover if your brother sins
against you, go and tell him his fault between you and
him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your
brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two
more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses
every word may be established’” (Matthew 18:15-16).
Not even repeated rebuke and exhortation may be
enough to bring the prodigal home. The local congregation
may have to become involved. “And if he
refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he
refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like
a heathen and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:17). It is
difficult to shun any erring brother, but the task becomes
especially difficult when he is a member of our
physical family.
The purpose of congregational withdrawal is twofold:
to save the sinner and to protect the congregation
(1 Corinthians 5:4-5). The sinner is to be shunned with
the objective of causing him to be ashamed; he is no
longer walking in the light (2 Thessalonians 3:14; 1
John 1:7). Corrective discipline is not intended to be
pleasant, but it is the sure manifestation of love (Hebrews
12:11; Revelation 3:19).
Sometimes the "prodigal" is not a part of the local
congregation. Are faithful family members then excused
from any form of discipline? Shall we maintain
our family relationships as though there has been no
change in the prodigal’s relationship with God, giving
the impression that we condone the sinner’s behavior?
Knowing how best to impress the prodigal with his dire
spiritual situation can be difficult, but we must find a
way to signal to him that he is out of step with God and
thus out of step with the Christians in his physical
family. Our physical family relationships bring responsibilities
mandated by the Scriptures. Parents must
care for children who are minors, spouses have duties
toward one another. However, the overall purpose of
corrective discipline should be remembered and respected
even as these physical responsibilities are
fulfilled.
It takes courage to discipline a wayward family
member. He may never return home, spiritually speaking,
but our task remains the same: to love him and
work for the salvation of his soul.