Men: Prepare Yourself for Marriage!

First, prepare by becoming a strong Christian.

There can be no substitute for being a genuine Christian first and foremost. While some may ask if there is any other kind, the Bible identifies weak Christians (1 Cor. 11:30) and even selfish saints (Phil. 2:3). Such brethren reveal that the Lord's word is not truly dominant in their lives. They are still resisting the control of God, still trying to live as they please in some aspect of their lives. Herein lies the fatal flaw. In the stresses of marriage eventually a situation will arise in which the scriptures mandate one kind of action but selfishness begs for another. Which will win out? The mediocre Christian is doomed to fail, and his marriage with it. In Luke 5:4 Peter was given the order to fish by One who was not known for His fishing ability. Yet Peter said "nevertheless at Your word I will let down the net" (5:5). Here is the heart of obedience that is so necessary to making marriage work. This is the conviction that says "Whatever God wants I will do. I will obey the Lord first." No marriage can be biblically strong until this attitude is in place.

Second, prepare by practicing leadership.

The man who wishes to prepare himself for marriage is the man who will prepare himself to lead. That is the essence of the husband's role as defined in Ephesians 5:23ff: "For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church . . . as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Biblical leadership (headship) is one of the most misunderstood concepts in all of scripture. These passages do not enshrine man as the dictator-in-charge of his own little world, in which he can order the wife around like a hired servant. Instead these passages place the heavy mantle of responsibility upon the husband, binding him to lead his wife and family toward what is best for all, not what gratifies his own selfish desires. The husband's leadership is to be modeled after Christ's leadership, which is not selfish but sacrificial (v. 25). Acting like a selfish tyrant is easy. Loving leadership, in which the husband tries to find what is best for all involved and must take full responsibility for the decisions made, is much more difficult. Do you want to make a success of your marriage? Practice leadership as often as possible. Learn how to communicate with followers. Discover how to put yourself aside and do what is best for the group you are leading. Read the list of qualifications necessary to lead God's church as an elder (1 Timothy 3; Titus 1) and build them into your life. Getting ready for marriage means getting ready to lead.

Third, prepare by treating women with honor.

There is a certain segment of our society that thrives on the "macho" image of manhood. This is the rough and tough, rugged individualist who cares for no one but himself and treats his dog better than any woman. The worst part of this sorry idea for manhood is that some have tried to go to scripture to justify it! Yet the Bible never indicates that women are intellectually or morally inferior, or that they should be mistreated or looked down upon by men. Instead Peter says "Husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7). Peter recognizes that women do not have the physical strength God has given to men. Therefore, manhood properly used protects and elevates woman to a pedestal where she is honored and respected. God's man will never try to prop up the insecurity of male chauvinism with scripture. Instead he treats women as he wishes to be treated (Matthew 7:12), recognizing that God made men and women different but that neither is lesser than the other. Every Christian man can make these kind of preparations by merely treating all women with consideration and kindness.

So much in our world today destroys marriages. I wonder if my precious daughters will know the joys of a strong home built on God's word, or whether their hearts will be torn apart by sin and selfishness. Everyday in our home we strive to infuse the kingdom's values, so that Rebecca and Sara will grow to be godly women. Somewhere I hope another set of parents is working just as hard on their boys. I don't care if those boys are rich or handsome. But everyday I pray that those boys will be God's men for my girls' husbands. What can you do to prepare yourself for that noble goal?